7 years. I cannot handle these emotions. I woke up crying. I just wish my friend could know me now. I’m such a better person now, a lot because of her. I also learned a lot from the loss. It’s so unfair the way the world is. I wish truly it was me instead of her. I know she would have been there for my family that’s why every time I can be I’m there for hers. No person deserves to have a brain tumor. No family deserves to lose their teenage daughter to a damn brain tumor. Cancer has no boundaries. I learned that early in life and now I see it everyday in my job.
7 years ago today in the evening time I got the worst call of my life telling me my friend had passed away. I remember where I was exactly in my house. I remember the feeling. I also remember that when I woke up that morning I had no idea it would be the worst day of my life. I had no idea what was coming. My mom remembers the sound I made she says. It was a Thursday I think.
Now every year on this day I wake up in shambles. I don’t think it’s gotten easier. Sometimes I’m angry, sometimes I just simply can’t get out of bed, sometimes I just cry all day, sometimes it’s all three.
I took my job knowing it could trigger my trauma. I’ve found some healing in helping kids with cancer like she had. Finally I can do something to help. But, I’m still so helpless against this disease. Becoming a nurse didn’t fix that. There’s some comfort in that too. It’s not like knowing what I know now I could have saved her. At least that isn’t eating at me anymore.
I wish she was here. There’s not much more to say. I wish everyone could have known her. I strive to be more like her everyday.
Sincerely,
Your Strong Female Lead
