Warning: This is so fucking corny dudes
It’s the day before my final exam for my second semester of nursing school. I’ve been studying (kinda) for hours but, also taking breaks to scroll through social media and blast Alessia Cara on my little blue speaker in my living room. It’s wild how there’s so much that happened in this semester academically but, also emotionally and the success I had in both departments will be overshadowed on the grade I get tomorrow.
If I fail, I will remember no successes. I will recall only what I could have done better and how I could have prioritized school over my emotions. If I pass, I’ll recall all the work I put in and that it did pay off. Neither option really delves into the success I have had emotionally.
Although I did not bounce back nearly as much as I wanted to after Partial hospitalization this summer, I did make great strides.
- I allowed myself to feel what it’s like for someone to be upset with me and didn’t do everything in my power to fix it because somethings cannot be fixed.
- I used open communication to make my life better and didn’t just focus on what it would make the other person feel.
- I realized that I’m alright and at the end of the day if I end up without a “life partner” I will always have my friends and family.
- I’m beginning to take my own advice and allow myself to be vulnerable and not feel like a burden (although I’m nowhere near good at this yet)
- I understand now that getting “better” is not a straightforward process and that I have been getting better although I don’t always feel that way.
These five things are big wins even if they are just “wins” in progress and on the eve of my final exam I want to remind myself of them. Because grades are important obviously but, what I have learned even in just the past week of living will have impacts on me for a life time and none of it came from a book.
I talk to my nursing friends a lot about maturity. I’m the youngest in our friend group at 21 years old. They are all late 20s/early 30s and say often that they are so glad they weren’t my age in nursing school. For awhile I took this as they were glad they could live it up in their early 20s but, recently I began to see it quite differently.
Your early 20s are a time of discovery and confusion. Most of us legit have no idea what the fuck is going on but, we’re supposed to pretend to. We don’t know who we are and sometimes prioritize things based on what makes you feel good now instead of thinking about the future. I’m not saying this is everyone but I feel like when I talk to kids my age this is what I get from them. So, going through a program like this whilst doing all that self-discovery? It’s not easy but, I’m also very lucky because I have very few other responsibilities that maturity tends to come with.
In a year (if everything goes as planned) I’ll be finishing nursing school...a year. I’m terrified and excited and feel like I could cry and vomit at the same time. I want this so bad that it scares me. I’m gonna fight like hell for it. And while I learn about Electrolyte imbalances and Central lines I’ll also be learning about myself. OH MY GOD PUKE THATS FUCKING CORN ON THE COB LEVEL CORNY. Ugh I can’t help it though it’s true. I’m gonna fuck up, I’m gonna prioritize fun over schoolwork at times, and I’m gonna cry...a lot but, I’ll make it through because that’s the only way to go and I’ve got a long way to go even after I graduate.
Okay that’s the end of my study break gotta get back to it, these medication side effects are not gonna learn themselves. Hopefully tomorrow night at this time I won’t be looking for a new career path...
Sincerely,
Your Strong Female Lead
