Plot Twist: Your Strong Female Lead was forward and had open and health communication about something she was stressing about.
This. Is. Big.
Okay okay I joke it’s not that deep but, it’s giving me a new sense of confidence in my life. The world didn’t end like I thought it would and that piece of evidence will be useful in future opportunities for communication. Well, except for the part of my brain that says it hasn’t gone badly...yet.
I’m trying to keep this piece at bay. I want to feel the independence I gained from my thoughts. I conquered this huge mounting fear and it was impressive for me.
Unfortunately though, the independence can feel lonely. I know it may feel like “damn this bitch cannot be pleased,” but in reality it’s more that when my mind is preoccupied with school and other worries it makes me forget how alone I am. I’m dreadfully bored too.
And boredom leads to depression.
Aware of this very thin line I’m trying to stay occupied. I call my friends on FaceTime and talk about whatever the fuck is going on even if I don’t need to talk about anything specific, I just need to talk and make someone laugh. This method was effective prior to finals. Unfortunately now my friends are scattered to their corners busy as hell but, my final isn’t for a week or two so I’m like...just chilling I guess.
But, in this time on my own and not calling my friends all the time I did make some big decisions based on what I thought and want. Instead of constantly asking for opinions, I just did it, and it turned out fine. This happened a few times. I had to be confident in my own brain for once and trusting it paid off. I’m still alive with no other input/ignoring the input of others. It’s cool.
Moving forward I hope this becomes a regular thing. I know it won’t happen overnight but, maybe I can somehow keep this shit going. I’ll be way more efficient with less cooks in the kitchen.
However this new found confidence is not without opposition by my depressive tendencies of the holidays and of just being actually alone. I’m trying to dive in to my studies but, I don’t want to ignore the depression either, I don’t want it to get bad again...big yikes.
Let’s end on a happy note.
- Successfully used open communication and it actually worked and nothing is ruined (yet)
- The semester is almost over meaning there will be a surplus of people to be with equaling less lonely time! Coping strategies hell yeah!
- The semester is almost over so I don’t have to worry about the signs and symptoms of diabetic ketoacidosis for at least 5 weeks
Wow I love lists. Stay strong through your finals and the holidays. Try to take time for yourself and if you have to indulge in junk food and trashy reality tv to cope with this time of year do it.
For all my friends that go to therapy you will love this:
Time to test those coping strategies that they told you to work on before you needed them but, you definitely didn’t practice at all so now you have to try to remember everything you learned in DBT or wait was it CBT? Or was it ACT? Which one is the one with the acronyms? Fuck this is why they say to test them out before you’re in crisis.
If you’ve done any of the cognitive therapies you will probably relate to that, if not you might be like isn’t ACT a college test?
Ok sorry lemme just end this. So soon things will be better and my brain can breathe. Please if you are reading this and you’re one of my pals bring home all the overdramatic tea your four year college has to offer...I need more material to keep my tv show interesting.
Sincerely,
Your Strong Female Lead
