episode twenty-eight // serotonin overload brings hope and hair loss

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This is an update to a previous post so, if you haven’t been reading I would catch up on at least the last one before reading this one!

So, my appointment with my psychiatrist went well. She heard me and was awesome as usual. I’m not going to start ketamine which was the major question. It’s really too labor intensive for me right now and I still have more options prior to what I originally believed. We decided that we would increase the dose of one of the two antidepressants I am on and she’s pretty optimistic about it. I started taking it this morning with an increase dose and it didn’t go great. I had symptoms of serotonin overload and almost fell asleep while driving. Serotonin overload sounds like it should be a euphoric and awesome feeling but instead it kinda just makes you feel like death. You get these weird shocks, your mouth gets dry, I guess your hair can start falling out and shit too! No good! But, the symptoms went away in time and I contacted my psychiatrist to let her know how I was doing and she just said to take the increased dose every other day to get used to it. So, hopefully tomorrow morning won’t be so rough.

I’m hopeful though. My psychiatrist believes I have a pattern of ups and downs and that this is just a shitty drop in my mood. She’s hoping that if I get to a good level mood wise I can go on a mood stabilizer so that I avoid the “drop” that has led me to write most of the posts on this blog.

Right now I’m in a Starbucks in my cousins town where I’m going to see him and his band play. I haven’t seen them play since my other cousins wedding so I’m super excited. It’s good to be around family sometimes, even when there’s a shit ton of drama that could happen at any moment. Sometimes I feel like I drive into the center of the storm on purpose.

I’m pretty stable right now though. Some life things have happened that we’re kinda stressful but, they have kinda resolved themselves now and hopefully they remain that way. Last night I went to see a movie with Captain and one of my best friends from home who has been my friend since like sixth grade, Olive. Between the two of them, Olive and Cap have been keeping me a float and as much as I tell them I appreciate them I never can escape this feeling of guilt I have. I’m afraid I’m too much sometimes. But, that’s my own shit it’s nothing they do. Last night in the middle of the movie I looked to my left and right and felt super safe. It was a great feeling.

I’m just waiting here so I figured I would post an update. The word of the blog is officially out to some of my friends from home now so, I at least know I’m not the only one who reads these (yes I read my own posts...fight me). Thinking about posting some old drafts so if you see some #tbt stuff you know what’s up. I’ll make sure to preface it though. But, in the mean time be kind to yourself...you know I’m trying to!

Sincerely,

Your Strong Female Lead