So, you might have been wondering where I’ve been...or not. Either way I’m back with an update. Not to be gross but, I’ve thrown up the past 3/3 days and been so fucking nauseous. This is all because of a cheeky little thing called serotonin overload aka serotonin syndrome that has come back into my life due to my antidepressants. In the process of me trying to get off my Pristiq and upping my Trintilix I have bombarded my system with serotonin. My psychiatrist and I have had to take a more cautious approach. Going down on both little by little to see what I can tolerate, it’s kinda a mess. But, I no longer feel guilty for taking my medical leave because I would have called in all the days I did have to work this week.
My body is now displaying the illness that my mind has felt the past two months. I’m sick mentally and physically. But, I’m pushing through. This weekend is full of fun events surrounded by friends. No time alone except for drives to and fro which is good for me.
I. Am. So. Relieved.
Being alone is such a big trigger for my mind to swallow itself so I’m stoked I don’t have to fret. I’m still depressed as hell though. I slept over at my parents house Monday night after watching the bachelorette at Olive’s house because my brain wanted to self-destruct. And then on Wednesday I had a big blowout after watching a movie with friends at my parents house. Movies are hard for me. I hate when they end. You’re invested in this movie and then all of sudden dropped back into reality with none of the comforts or the characters that you spent the last two hours with. I get sad every time. That’s why I love the marvel movies because there’s always another one. It’s also why I refuse to watch the last season of many tv shows. The last episodes are hard to watch. I appreciate Law & Order: SVU because that shit never ends. I hope my show ends up like that.
I’ve been doing small daily videos about this med change experience. I’m not sure exactly why I’m doing it or what I’m going to do with the footage but, I don’t have to decide that now. It’s cool because it’s not just me behind a screen where I could be anyone. It’s me, visually, nowhere to hide and I’m fascinated by it. Trying to show the ugly parts of mental illness and I’m the best poster child for it.
That was a joke on how I’m ugly...no my self-esteem is not any better.
Anyway, I gotta go pick up Amanda for this party at Doug’s. Hopefully this serotonin syndrome takes a break for a bit because I really want this to be a good weekend. I need this escape.
Here’s to escapism.
Sincerely,
Your Strong Female Lead
