I got a text from Courtney that read “Our emotional response to situations never need to be validated, we feel how we feel and it’s okay” my response? “Shit you sound like me”
It’s confusing how I can give this advice then completely forget it when it comes to myself. It’s also confusing how someone can walk all over me 700 times but as soon as you hurt my friend game over.
I hold myself to little importance it seems and the intricacies of this fact are not something I currently have time or energy to explore. However, there’s something I need to talk about.
It’s time to talk about trauma.
Trauma can be from an incident or a prolonged series of them. It’s individual to each person. One person could experience an event and come out unscathed while another could end up destroyed. The way you know it’s trauma is the physiologic fear response. One thinks of the trauma and they are transported there.
This is where I’m at.
It’s pure fear and it’s paralyzing. No coping works it’s instant panic.
If I verbalize this panic I can be accused of being paranoid or immature but, deep down I know what I feel and for people to deny it only makes it harder which is why what Courtney said is so important.
I don’t want pity. What I’ve gone through and experienced is nothing compared to others (even others involved in the same situation) but, it’s a good reminder that we all need to remember all feelings are valid. It’s no ones job to decided who should feel what when, not even our own as individuals. If I could control my feelings I promise things would be different. But, I can’t and (spoiler alert) neither can you. If you don’t recognize this trauma it will eat you alive.
Unfortunately, this episode has no real resolution. Just a few reminders that judging your emotions or those of others is ineffective. It does nothing but create more misery. You don’t have to sit there and listen to everyone talk about everything but, you don’t have to challenge or belittle them because you don’t understand why they feel the way they do.
My reality is that I don’t understand either. I’m just trying to get through the day without melting to pieces. You may not think it’s warranted but, guess what... that doesn’t make me not feel the fear it just makes it harder it get through it.
Let’s just all try not to make each other’s lives more difficult shall we?
Sincerely,
Your Strong Female Lead
