I’ve been a nurse on my unit for almost a year now. I still struggle with my identity as a nurse daily. Imposter syndrome is a familiar fact of life when I’m at work. I struggle taking any compliment on my work and call myself dumb at least once a shift.
Without getting into too much detail. Let’s just say I had this hypothetical patient who needed to be moved up to ICU and while they were there I visited them. This was a long term patient of our unit and we had permission to visit. This patient’s ICU nurse was someone I had gone to high school with. I really look up to her she’s a phenomenal nurse and human being. The details of my interaction with patient and family are personal and are ultimately not related to my overall point.
The patient ended up progressing to floor status and coming back to my unit 2 days later. Their nurse from the ICU that I knew came and visited them on our floor. When we saw each other on the unit we exchanged greetings and I updated her on what I knew of our mutual patients status. She then said something to me that I hope I never forget.
She said, “they [patient and family] adore you by the way,” it caught me off guard and I don’t know if she could deduced this from under my face mask but, she continued. “They talked about how they have watched you grow and we had like a 15 minute conversation about it.” I could never explain to this nurse how much what she had just said meant to me.
Even my Imposter syndrome was stumped. She had no reason to lie, nothing to gain by saying this. The words she used could not be misconstrued or twisted to hurt me. They were genuine and for once my identity as a nurse felt as if it had a leg to stand on.
Her authenticity is a big part of what this episode is about. And that she told me this without knowing the facts that make it more powerful.
She didn’t know that about a month and a half ago I was having anxiety about taking care of this patient, because I wasn’t one of the long time nurses that had been there I felt I was taking a place that belonged to someone else.
She didn’t know that when I went to visit them in the ICU that day I had the same feeling, and I fought through telling myself that I’m sure it would probably be good if anyone went to show a friendly face from my unit.
She had no idea that when she left the room when I was at the ICU I praised her to the patients parents and said I looked up to her a lot and that they were in great hands.
She had no idea that at every turn, I had delegitimized my part in this story, and with her words she wrote me back into the narrative.
There is no “thank you” that could sum that all up. There’s no way she would have known any of that. But, she said it anyway.
I think a lot about people’s intentions, the reason is because I focus a lot on my own. I’m sure I’ve spoke about this before, my obsession with knowing why I do something or feel something. The nurse that said this to me had nothing to gain by saying it, her intentions were purely to make me feel good.
I was going to continue on in this post and talk about grief in nursing and nursing culture but, I feel that it takes away from the importance of that little anecdote. Taking the time to look around and recognize someone else for the work they are doing can be such a small act that can make huge waves in that persons life. That ICU nurse made me feel like I mattered to a patient and family I really care about. That means so much and all it took was a few simple words. That’s what the focus should be on. To that wonderful nurse, I know you will never read this but, thank you from the bottom of my heart. And to the people reading this, it doesn’t have to be some extravagant thing, but remind someone they matter it could mean the world.
Sincerely,
Your Strong Female Lead
